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Pro-life Sarah
Moderator
653 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 22 2008 : 9:53:29 PM
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I write with a very heavy and anxious heart. My husband's brother, Stephen, was in a terrible motorcycle accident a few hours ago and was killed. Stephen was 20 years old. He was the 8th of 9 children. Please, I beg you, pray for the repose of his soul and for our family, especially Andy's parents. I've never had such a tragedy hit so close to home and I'm finding myself unsure of what to do besides beg for prayer....please put Stephen on all the prayer chains you have and can think of. That is what I can still do for him....get prayer... Thank you.
Take Care and God Bless,
Sarah
Please say one Hail Mary a day for the intentions all forum members
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JohnF
Mary's Servant
USA
428 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2008 : 12:13:41 AM
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Lord Jesus, heal Stephen's family.
Lord Jesus, save Stephen and his family.
Lord Jesus, free Stephen and his family.
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Edited by - JohnF on Apr 23 2008 02:02:30 AM |
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Pro-life Sarah
Moderator
653 Posts |
Posted - Apr 24 2008 : 04:25:06 AM
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A beautiful prayer, John. Thank you. A newspaper article on the accident is: http://www.lockportjournal.com/local/local_story_114023308.html
Please continue to pray. Thank you and God Bless.
Take Care and God Bless,
Sarah
Please say one Hail Mary a day for the intentions all forum members |
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Gaby
Formation
48 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2008 : 10:21:03 AM
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| Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord and may the Perpetual Light shine upon him. May his soul and all the souls of the faithfully departed through the Mercy of God rest in Peace. Amen. |
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BARBAQUED
Mary's Servant
USA
454 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2008 : 1:53:39 PM
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Lord, we ask you in the name of your son Jesus to bring comfort to the family of Stephen Stodolka.
We know you have saved him from death and he is with you. Thank you Jesus. Please help Stephens family forgive and bless Barnard Green. Heal them from this pain. Thank you Jesus
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Tee
Mary's Servant
USA
140 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2008 : 11:55:13 PM
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I'm sorry I only just now caught this Sarah I'm praying now. (((((HUGS)))) to you and your family.
~Tee
"they must seek to fulfill their daily duties, that is as mothers and wives in an exemplary manner of holiness by pursuing the contemplative life in their homes..." ~ 3rd basic tenet of Apostolate of Holy Motherhood |
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Pro-life Sarah
Moderator
653 Posts |
Posted - May 01 2008 : 9:16:10 PM
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Thank you all so much. The power of prayer is immeasurable and we all value it very much. The family's grief comes in waves. Sometimes we are all doing ok sharing stories and other times sobbing or unable to talk at all.... I am back at home and trying to get back to work. It was a hard transition today. It's hard to want to be at work instead of with everyone enjoying the family that we do have and celebrating Stephen's life together. He was a beautiful kid.
Take Care and God Bless,
Sarah
Please say one Hail Mary a day for the intentions all forum members |
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Pro-life Sarah
Moderator
653 Posts |
Posted - May 05 2008 : 11:06:52 PM
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Still having a hard time.... the anger phase has hit a bunch of us....The reality of never seeing Stephen again is hitting too. It is just too real and gets more so everyday. My husband and I went to his grave yesterday. He was all covered up (naturally).... but it was just so sad. We took our two little girls on our way home from Andy's parents.... what do you guys tell little children about death? I tried to say that Uncle Stephen was with Jesus and Marygrace said, I'll go see Him too in church mommy. Bless her heart to recognize the importance of the Eucharist and Mass so well for a young squirt, but that wasn't what I meant in this case. I suppose it is over now, but we will want to continue to go pray at his grave. What do we tell the girls? When is it appropriate to teach about death? I ask because we were told about it too young and I was scared of death and God for so many years.... yet you can't hide the truth either....
We still need a lot of prayer. Thank you all!
Take Care and God Bless,
Sarah
Please say one Hail Mary a day for the intentions all forum members |
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Gaby
Formation
48 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2008 : 09:31:52 AM
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Sarah.
Know that your family and your husband's family are in my prayers. |
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JohnF
Mary's Servant
USA
428 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2008 : 1:50:04 PM
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What do we tell the girls?
My parents died when my children were young.
Based on my experience, these articles look very helpful:
The child should be told the truth, that someone has died. The child should not be told that the dead person is going to have a big sleep or go on a long trip. This would only confuse a younger child and possibly make him fearful of sleep or journeys.
It is sometimes helpful to remind the child that he has observed other deaths in nature, pets or wild animals, and that it is a natural part of the life cycle. Encourage the child to ask questions so that you can understand and respond to his concerns. Acknowledge how hard the loss is for all of the family.
Do not isolate children at the time of death. Keep them a part of the family. If they are old enough, let them help out at this time, answering the telephone, hanging up the visitors' coats, listing condolence notes. Give them things to do that will be useful.
http://www.ccascounseling.org/Telling%20Children%20About%20Death.htm
Explaining Death in a Child's Terms
Your child's capacity to understand death - and your approach to discussing it - will vary according to your child's age. Each child is unique, but here are some rough guidelines to keep in mind.
Until kids are about 5 or 6 years old, their view of the world is very literal. So it's a good idea to explain the death in terms that are basic and concrete. If the person was ill or elderly, for example, you might explain that the person's body wasn't working anymore and the doctors couldn't fix it. If the person dies suddenly, like in an accident, you might explain what happened - that because of this very sad event, the person's body stopped working. You may have to explain that "dying" or "dead" means that the body stopped working.
Kids this young often have a hard time understanding that all people and living things eventually die, and that once a person dies, it's final and that person isn't coming back. So even after you've gone through this explanation, your child may continue to ask where the person is or when the person is returning. As frustrating as this may be for you, continue to calmly reiterate, in concrete terms, that the person has died and can't come back, and that your child won't be seeing him or her again.
Avoid using euphemisms, like telling your child that the person who died just "went away" or "went to sleep" or even that your family "lost" the person. Because young kids think so literally, such phrases might inadvertently make your child afraid to go to sleep or fearful whenever someone goes away.
By the same token, remember that your child's questions may sound much deeper than they actually are. For example, a 5-year-old who asks where a person who died is now probably isn't asking whether there's an afterlife. Rather, the child might be satisfied hearing that the person who died is now in the cemetery. This may also be a time to share your beliefs about an afterlife or heaven if that is part of your belief system.
http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/death.html
How do I talk to my child about death?
Children can be taught that death is a part of life by their parents preparing them when a death in the family is expected. They can talk about it before they, and their parents, are grief stricken.
Children do not need protection; they need competent guidance and satisfactory answers to their questions.
The development and age of the child needs to be borne in mind. The parent or guardian knows how the child likes like to talk about things, the sort of language they can use and if there are other ways they like to communicate, through drawing for example.
Children less than eight years of age are often interested in death and have complex concepts about it but are not able to grasp its finality. They, and many adults, have magical beliefs about how life can carry on after death or how many people come back to life.
The understanding that this is not the case only comes with greater maturity and then will be affected by the cultural and spiritual beliefs of the child's family and community.
Children ask questions in a very direct way. They may not talk about feelings as much as about more concrete circumstances.
Maybe they will ask what a coffin looks like on the inside, whether lying in the ground is scary and lonely or whether it is cold and dark down there.
It is important to be prepared for these questions. If they make the parent uncomfortable, the child will notice and stop asking questions. A child will watch to see whether they are allowed these kinds of questions and the reaction they create.
Remember children do not sit down and discuss a subject for hours on end. They will come running and ask some of the hardest questions in the world. That offers little time to think answers through.
After a couple of minutes, they might want to go back outside to play. Seizing the moment is important. Talk about the subject when they want to. It is natural for them to change the subject and then return to it later.
When telling a child that someone has died, make sure the word 'died' is used. Children do not understand euphemisms.
Some children have waited years for a grandparent to return because they had been told he or she had 'passed away'. Euphemisms may help an adult feel better but they won't help a child understand what has happened.
When mourning, let a child know it. The parent should let him or her see they are truly sad. If grief is hidden, the child will think that grief is not an acceptable feeling.
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/health_advice/facts/death.htm
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Pro-life Sarah
Moderator
653 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2008 : 9:03:15 PM
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Thank you very much. This has been quite difficult,as I don't want to scare them or scar them, but I don't want them not knowing or coming to understand such an important phase too. After all, that is what life is all about. I let them stay with the family during the time before the wake for one day. It was just too much. Naturally everyone was crying and the girls just didn't understand. I didn't know how to explain to them, so we just said everyone is very sad about an accident that Uncle Stephen was in. I can totally understand why we shouldn't say "passed away" or "went to Jesus" now. The articles make perfect sense, and in light of Marygrace's response to Uncle Stephen going to Jesus, I can see that the misunderstanding is exactly what happened. It's just they are so young. I'd like to protect them from that awful reality, but I guess you really can't. Oh well. Another day is done for now. It was another hard one for sure.
Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us all. Help us to cope with the gammet of emotions resulting from the terrible death of Stephen. Give him a hug for us, and help us to feel Your comfort....especially when we think about Stephen and can't get the accident or the tragedy of it all out of our minds. Bring us Your peace. Satisfy in us the ever present question of Why and take from us the serious questions about Your goodness that result from our natural feelings of anger and grief. Help each member of the family to become closer to You, Lord, through this experience, that we may, like Stephen, die in the state of grace. And thank you, Lord, for the consolation of knowing he made a good confession not long before this tragic accident. Bless, also, Jesus, every single person, whom You alone know, who has prayed for our family and for Stephen, as they are living out Your commandment of love. Thank you Lord for all of Your gifts, and help us to find You in our brokeness. Amen.
Take Care and God Bless,
Sarah
Please say one Hail Mary a day for the intentions all forum members |
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